Okay, so (and I'm realising that I start a lot of my posts of very colloquially like that) I've come to the conclusion that I am simply not made in the way that would allow me to keep up a regular writing schedule. As evidenced by these past two attempts at a writing challenge, where I would write daily for a certain amount of time... My brain just simply isn't wired that way.
As much as I am a creature of routine, I'm also a creature of variety. In fact, no, I think the fact of the matter is that I -used- to be a creature of habit, back in my early teenage years before I began to develop in myself as a person. Somehow I've now got this idea in my head that because that's what I used to be, that's what I am now, when the reality is entirely different.
I'm also realising that this "blog" is turning into more of a personal diary, documenting the development (or lack of development) of my writing process, and of myself. Which is fine, I guess, because nobody reads this anyway, so if I get that use out of it for myself, then that's something. (Also, comma-itis in that last sentence).
I think the prevailing fact of my habits is that they change. Or rather, they rotate. One month my spare time will be filled with video games. The next, I'll binge watch TV shows or films. Rarely, I'll spend a month just reading. Obviously these periods aren't filled solely with these activities. In months where I spend a lot of time gaming, I will also read and I will also watch TV.
In the end though, these are just habits. And habits can be gotten into as much as gotten out of. I think what I need to get myself to do is get into the habit of writing. Though how I can go about doing this is as much your guess as it is mine. Obviously, forcing myself to write doesn't work. I have to want to write.
Distractions are also the bane of writing. As it stands, I have a lot of new things happening in my life right now. New job (or old, again, as it's the same job, basically, just starting again after nine months), new University course at a new University and new people in my life. Also, having to do new adult things like claim Universal Credit whilst on the job hunt and sort out council tax and blah blah boring things. All of this adds up to create what is essentially a non-productive environment.
I know this sounds like excuses, and is essentially what stereotypically I assume most writers would use as excuses for not writing, it's true. I'm incapable of being one of these goody-two-shoes writers who sets themselves goals to achieve. I'm much happier having other people set my goals. Have other people tell me what they need of me. Which I guess applies also to other aspects of my life, such as my job. I don't believe I've ever been in, or would be comfortable in, a role that requires me to be in charge of other people.
The way things work in University, where you get given a task, told (very vaguely) how to do it, and sent off on your merry little way in order to achieve it however you wish by a certain time - that's how I'm happiest working. I have to have a -serious- deadline, not a self-set one, or I just disregard it. Thinking back, this is also when I was happiest at work. On the butchery counter I would often be looking after the counter by myself. This... not solitude, as there were other people in the store, but kind of... my own responsibilities. Not shared ones. This was what I liked. I knew what I had to do. I knew how to do it (and if there was anything I didn't know, I knew there was help available should I need it). I knew what time it needed to be done by. This, is definitely, without a doubt, where I'm happiest.
I think it's taken me writing this little rant to realise that. Maybe I can apply it to my writing somehow, who knows. Maybe... competitions? I'll pick up the latest issue of Writing Magazine and enter one of their competitions! Who am I kidding, that's not gonna happen, but it's the sort of thing that just might work. Actually, there's NaNoWriMo coming up soon, except I'll be at Uni over the course of that.
Maybe I need to take a break from gaming, just unplug the Xbox and restrict one of my hobbies. That sounds a bit too much like going cold turkey for my liking though. Am I addicted to games? Probably. But hey, it's better that cocaine.
I should sign off on this in a second, go do some real writing, or drawing, or something productive. Hahaha fat chance of that happening though.
It's not just in my writing though, I find it hard to stick to anything new that I try to do. My gym attendance has been at best patches on the calendar over the past few years (although, most recently due to monetary constraints). I'm just that kind of person, and as I much as I might try to change that, it doesn't seem likely to happen.
I probably shouldn't post this on my blog, but hey, maybe somebody else with the same problem will see it, and realise that they're not alone in it. Or maybe it's just me, being the lazy, unproductive person that I am when not given important goals.
Later
